Let’s Make a Deal!: Negotiation Skills for Getting What You Want

My little Blueberry!

If I made a list of my least favorite things to do, car shopping would be right at the top. Evidence of that truth is the fact that the last time I bought a car was in 2012. That was before TikTok took off, before COVID shut everything down, and before AI started infiltrating everything. It feels like a million years ago now.

I’ve loved my 2007 Ford Fusion, but it’s time for the old girl to cross the auto equivalent of the rainbow bridge. She’s been a loyal and reliable steed all these years, for the most part. We’ve had many adventures in the 84,824 miles we’ve traveled together.

I’m going to miss the spunk of her V-6 engine and her low-tech personality—just keys, a gas gauge, and absolutely no bossy opinions about my driving or which way to go.

But now it’s time to let her go with dignity instead of abandoning her by the roadside and selling her directly to the scrapyard when she can go no further. She deserves better. And realistically, it’s a lot more complicated to shop for cars on foot.

My loyal and reliable steed for 14 years

So I started the exhausting process of looking for a car I’ll hopefully

be driving for at least the next decade.

I won’t bore you with all the details, but after spending some sweaty afternoons at car lots and convincing salesmen that I could, in fact, test-drive all by myself, I found my new love connection.

In the vast football fields of parking lots filled with black, white, and gray cars, she was a bright, rapturous blue. It was love at first sight.

She’s a hybrid—oh, so modern—and will be much more complicated to get to know. It will be like going from a flip phone to a spaceship. I’m ready for it.

Once the tedious quest to find my true love is complete, the car-buying experience transforms into one of my favorite things to do—negotiating. I realize this is the opposite of how most people feel, but I’ve spent decades negotiating on behalf of consulting clients.

I’ve developed my own style of negotiating, and it works. I recently told my landlord I was actually looking forward to negotiating a car deal. He knows me well enough to just smile and say that’s why he always gives me what I ask for. He’s probably my favorite landlord for that reason alone.

I also teach negotiation skills through the Finishing School for Modern Women, and I love hearing from students who are surprised by how much easier it is than they expected.

Here’s how I negotiated for my little blueberry.

I asked permission to negotiate. Lots of sellers, like CarMax, are no-haggle dealerships now. Like that’s a good thing! The first time I looked at the car, I asked if there was any room for negotiation and was told, “We’ll work with you.” I put that comment in my pocket for later.

I let him know we were going to dance. I told him, “Good, because I love to negotiate.” I enjoy saying that because it will often put the fear of Goddess into the men who think they can get away with charging the full retail price.

Then I told him why. “I love to negotiate because we both want the same end result. We just have to figure out how we’re going to get there.”

I did lots of research. I went home, looked up what similar cars were selling for, and weighed my options. I checked good ol’ Consumer Reports for reliability ratings. I decided on a fair price range and a strategy of negotiating the car's price separately from the value of my trade-in. It’s a good idea to come up with a walk-away price, too, so you don’t get carried away in trying to acquire your new love.

I called my insurance company to find out how astronomically my insurance would go up with a newer car and more coverage. I calculated what my payments might look like. Having excellent credit always helps give leverage when negotiating big-ticket items.

I practiced asking for the deal I wanted. Rather than haggle over the price of the car, I only wanted to talk about the “Out-The-Door” price, after their fees, sales tax, and all the other things they want to add in. My mantra became, “I’m looking for an out-the-door price of X,” all the way back to the lot the next day, so it would confidently roll off my tongue when the time came.

I didn’t give up. When the time to talk about price came up, I confidently delivered my offer like a pro, slow and steady, making strong eye contact. Of course, he quickly explained that he couldn’t meet my offer with lots of explanations about comparable cars and how fair the pricing already was.

I didn’t disagree with him. I affirmed that I understood all that was true. I reminded him that he said he’d “work with me,” so was this really the best they could do? That earned me a little discount.

I didn’t get in a hurry.

Now it was time to work out the trade-in value. It takes a minute for them to inspect the old car, so I sat back to relax and played Jeopardy on my phone.

 I already knew my poor old girl's material value was all but gone, but I also know that sometimes the trade-in value can be where you can score more savings. When the salesman told me the dismal value and all the reasons why, I let him know I was fully aware of her faults. I've found that being open, honest, and reasonable goes a long way. People are often more willing to help when they don't feel like they're being played.

I was friendly and never combative. When all the numbers came together, even with my pittance of a trade-in, we were still a couple of thousand dollars north of my offer. Without getting frustrated, I gave him my final offer, which was $500 more than the original. I told him I appreciated his going to bat for me with his boss and understood it was a big ask. I have found that people usually respond well when you simply ask for a favor. When he walked back with a big smile on his face, I knew we’d found the sweet spot.

You don’t get what you don’t ask for. I had several men offer to go with me to help buy a car, and I appreciated it. It is true that men often get better deals than women. But I also know I am fully capable of taking care of my own business.

Because the real art of negotiating isn't about squeezing every last dollar out of a deal. It's about embracing your power, knowing what you want, and asking for it.

And if you happen to save six percent and stick it to the patriarchy just a little bit along the way? Well, that's a pretty nice bonus.

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Did you know I've published a book?  Learn more about it here!

Now it's an audiobook too! Learn more about the audiobook here!

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Because We’re Never Finished  

The Finishing School for Modern Women, located in Wichita, Kansas, offers classes to help women find their authentic selves, not because we need finishing, but because we’re never finished. We bring together women of all ages to learn from experts and each other how to claim our power in business, finance, communication, and life.

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