The Power of Connection: Build Stronger Bonds
- Headmistress Jill Miller
- 4 days ago
- 6 min read
Updated: 6 hours ago
I just attended my 16th conference of the National Federation of Press Women in Golden, Colorado, and it was exactly what I needed. For those few days, I basked in the joy of camaraderie, connecting with remarkable writers and communicators with jaw-dropping achievements. This is definitely a band of inspiring overachievers who love to play as hard as they work.
Worth more than the ticket price is how much we all value our relationships. This professional organization, founded in 1885 by the Illinois Press Women Association, focuses on personal and professional growth, defending First Amendment freedoms, and upholding our Code of Ethics. But it’s the connection we make with each other that is the secret sauce.
We come from 32 states, traveling near and far for our annual reunion, reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. It’s amazing how many powerfully deep, loving friendships can be built in one week, over many years. The entire conference felt like a love fest, with everyone holding each other up, celebrating successes in our annual Communications Contest, and honoring the illustrious winner of the Communicator of Achievement Award.
Being part of this organization has given me a chance to learn more about the world and go places and do things I never would have had the chance to experience. With the conference held in a different location every year and the pre- and post-tours arranged by communicators in the local affiliates, I’ve been able to go behind the scenes and see places only trusted insiders could take us. It’s hard to choose a favorite, but the most memorable tours for me were Alaska's interior, a Route 66 tour of Illinois, and a Southern Writer tour of Alabama.
(At Mt. Denali in Alaska, on the Route 66 tour of Illinois, and in the courtroom from Monroeville, Alabama, where To Kill a Mockingbird was set.)
It's not just the travel that has taught me more about the world. It’s the incredible storytellers and professional communicators who have truly helped broaden my worldview. The conference has brilliant speakers and acclaimed writers sharing their insights and experiences, inspiring us to be better writers and communicators. But the most fascinating stories are shared between us in the bar at the day’s end, with a little liquor to lubricate the truth - just a tad. It may be my favorite part of the day.
But the most precious gem that I’ve gotten from my membership is the new moms I’ve gained. My own mother has been an active member of this organization longer than I have, so when I started going to conferences with her, I was already included in the club. I have strong bonds now with many beloved women in the organization, but none more so than my bonus moms.
Two women, Marlene Cook from Illinois and Glennis McNeal from Oregon, started calling me their daughter, and who am I to argue? Their support and mentorship mean the world to me. Our connection runs so deep it transcends the miles and time that keep us apart. They’re both wickedly funny and serenely wise, and didn’t have to endure my rebellious teen years like my own mom did, as she likes to remind them. Just thinking of them makes my heart swell with love, as gushy as that sounds.
I know I’m fortunate to have these connections. Not everyone does. These days, Americans participate less in organized activities, join fewer community groups, and have smaller social networks with fewer friends. Socially, we haven’t fully recovered since COVID, and political divides and general angst aren’t helping. We spend less time with friends, neighbors, and family, and this separation comes at a price. It’s no wonder people are losing touch with empathy.
There is no substitute for a human-to-human experience. While I’m glad social media exists to keep us better connected, we should think of these online interactions as we did letters in the olden days, before the internet. These digital relationships keep us informed and allow us to share pictures, like the old Round Robin packages of letters we used to add to and send to the next family on the list, so they could see what everyone had been up to — except faster.
Being together in person is important because:
We are wired to connect. Outside of physical and safety needs like food and shelter, love and belonging are one of our most crucial needs. These feelings have a huge impact on our overall health and quality of life.
We communicate better when we’re together. Since 55% of communication is body language and just 7% is words, we often miss key signals when we’re not face-to-face. Besides, when we’re together, we’re less distracted and can focus more attention on all the cues of communication.
Face-to-face connections are better for well-being. We found out during COVID that loneliness is one of the side effects of isolation. Starving for the crucial need for socialization is when depression and anxiety ramp up, no matter how introverted you are.
It lets us build more authentic relationships. Serendipitous conversations — bumping into someone in line — have sparked friendships and love affairs. Screens mute our connections.
It strengthens our bonds. Science shows that our attraction and bonding in real life are shaped by a rich mix of energy, body chemistry, and scent, all working together in subtle but powerful ways. It’s the irrational side of attraction that pulls us together like magnets, something that simply can’t be experienced over a video call.
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. We might do a lot of growing on our own, but true healing requires witnesses—people who see, hear, and hold space for our truth. It’s through shared laughter, tears, and stories that our wounds begin to heal. Connection isn’t merely comforting; it’s vital. Our nervous systems, hearts, and spirits all benefit from the gentle presence of others, which helps turn pain into resilience and isolation into a sense of belonging.
We are more powerful together. When it comes to doing heavy lifting, a group can get more done than one person can on their own. We keep each other inspired and moving forward. Not only does it make tasks go easier, but the camaraderie, support, and celebration add richness to life, like my membership in the National Federation of Press Women does for me.
Making connections isn’t difficult, but it does take a bit of effort. In my upcoming book with illustrator Toni Federico, Unstoppable: A Guide to Reclaiming Power and Creating Your Own Path, there’s a whole chapter of experiments to engage with the world around you and cultivate deeper relationships.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Walk around your neighborhood. My dog Jack and I meet our neighbors on walks all the time. Usually, it’s a simple wave, but sometimes it’s conversations about gardening and life.
Give a stranger a genuine, heartfelt compliment. It’s incredible how it can make both of you feel, and these interactions can develop into real friendships if you meet the same stranger again.
Meet an online friend in real life. Schedule a coffee date, a walk in the park, or a trip to the library with a friend you talk to online but have never met in person. Back in the early days of Twitter, my friend Cindy Kelly used to organize “Tweet-Ups” where a bunch of us would meet IRL. I still have friends from those days, including Cindy.
Come to a public event. Attend a Finishing School class, a Badass Women of Wichita Alliance event, an art opening, an author talk, or any event that gets you out of the house and around other people. You don’t even have to talk to anyone. Just be in the room and see what happens.
Whatever you choose to do, choose to do something to strengthen your connections. Whether you do something as immersive as attending a conference or as simple as taking a stroll around the block, creating social connections will enrich your life in powerful ways. Besides, I always love seeing you!
Much love,
Headmistress Jill
Did you know I've published a book? Learn more about it here!
Now it's an audiobook too! Learn more about the audiobook here!
Because We’re Never Finished
The Finishing School for Modern Women, located in Wichita, Kansas, offers classes to help women find their authentic selves, not because we need finishing, but because we’re never finished. We bring together women of all ages to learn from experts and each other how to claim our power in business, finance, communication, and life.
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